It's been awhile.
Naturally I want to come to this space and tell you all of the things I've been doing to somehow validate why I haven't been here. But a more honest explanation is I just can't decide if this is a space where I want to constantly post. I like that I can pop in here when I feel like it. Another explanation is I am trying to be smarter with my business and time so I have more time for the people in my life and this blog doesn't make me money so I can't post to it during my work day anymore. It was just taking up too much of my time.
The best explanation is that I decided at the beginning of this year that I would take more of a relaxed approach to my business. I am still struggling with anxiety and being a freelance illustrator is just about the least stable career I could've chosen. When I explain to other people why I will most likely do this career in some form for the rest of my life, I say, "being an artist isn't only something that you do, it is who you are." That makes complete sense to me and it is so true. You can't stop doing something that you are at your core. I mean, I could, but I would be miserable.
I've taken a different approach this year to my business and it has been so freeing in so many ways, but it has been scary as well. Instead of taking on all of the projects, I'm only taking on a few of the best projects. It let's me take my time and do my best on those projects and it gives me more time to live. It is a hard thing to realize that I don't want to work so hard at this. For my personality, I am constantly fighting against a voice in my head that says, "stop being so lazy." That voice is still there after I've put in eight hours at my day job. I used to come home and work on my business every night after full days at work and I just don't want to do that anymore. I've realized that this isn't me being lazy, it's me wanting a life.
There was a point at the beginning of this year that I realized if my business never becomes full-time for me that I will be completely okay with that. I actually don't think it would be healthy for me to count on my creativity to support me fully. It would be more of a burden than anything. My largest fear was working my life away and not taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures of this beautiful life because I was too caught up in what I wanted other people to think about me.
I'm hoping that sharing that in this space can help you understand the challenges of being an artist. It's not an easy gig but it's the best thing I've ever done. I have a ton of new designs that I'm working on getting up in my shop. I've shared a few below and they'll be up in my shop this week to purchase. I'm always dreaming up new products and I love that my art continues to connect me with all of you. I truly appreciate how much you all care about me and my creations.